Top 5 Mistakes Newly Divorced Moms Make—And How to Avoid Them

Divorce doesn’t come with a handbook—especially when you’re a mom trying to hold it all together. In the wake of heartbreak, legal stress, and single parenting, it’s easy to slip into survival mode. But survival mode often comes with patterns that feel helpful but actually keep you stuck.

In my work as a feminist therapist and coach, I’ve seen the same five mistakes show up again and again—not because women are failing, but because the systems around them make these mistakes feel like the only way to cope.

Here’s what I want you to know:
You’re not doing it wrong. But there is another way.

Mistake #1: Trying to Be the “Perfect” Co-Parent

You want to protect your kids. You want to be the bigger person. You want to keep things calm.

But too often, that turns into over-accommodating, downplaying harm, and tolerating boundary violations for the sake of “peace.”

What to do instead:
Being a healthy co-parent doesn’t mean being endlessly flexible. It means knowing your limits and protecting your peace—because your wellbeing is part of what protects your children.

Mistake #2: Ignoring Your Own Needs “For the Kids”

Moms are taught that martyrdom is noble. So when divorce hits, many women throw themselves into their children’s needs while quietly disintegrating behind the scenes.

What to do instead:
You are not a bad mother for needing rest, joy, space, or support. In fact, modeling self-care and emotional honesty is one of the best gifts you can give your kids. You get to be human, too.

Mistake #3: Taking Legal, Financial, or Emotional Advice from Your Ex

It might feel easier in the moment to keep the peace or avoid a fight. But outsourcing your clarity to someone who’s no longer on your team only deepens the disempowerment.

What to do instead:
Find your own support system—legal advocates, therapists, coaches, or financial advisors who work for you, not against you. Divorce is hard enough without handing the steering wheel back to someone who already disrespected your boundaries.

Mistake #4: Going It Alone

Shame is sneaky. Many divorced moms isolate because they feel like no one else will understand—or because they’ve been taught to believe they should be able to “figure it out” by themselves.

What to do instead:
Find community. Join a coaching group. Talk to a therapist. Let your friends show up. Healing accelerates when it’s witnessed and held. You don’t have to be the strong one 100% of the time.

Mistake #5: Repeating the Same Patterns in New Relationships

The ache for connection is real. But when you haven’t had a chance to fully reclaim your voice, boundaries, and identity, it’s easy to end up in another dynamic that mirrors the one you just left.

What to do instead:
Pause. Get curious. Who are you now, without the performance? What kind of love do you want to receive, not just give? Start dating yourself again. You might be surprised by who shows up when you’re fully you.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

There’s no shame in making mistakes after divorce—only an opportunity to learn, repair, and realign with your truth.

In my Reclaim & Rise coaching group, we walk through this exact process together. You’ll reconnect with your voice, build boundaries that stick, and shift out of survival mode into real self-trust and clarity.

✨ Want to go deeper?
Join the waitlist for the next cohort of Reclaim: Divorced Mamas Rising, or book a 1:1 clarity call to explore coaching support.

You deserve more than just “making it through.” You deserve to thrive. I know, I have been there!